I spoke with my lifelong friend, Mikey about his decision to move out and live on his own at 20. We have always been close and our parents were friends growing up, but we always connected on a deeper level. We go to each other for our serious problems, and I wanted to get more knowledge on what led to him living on his own.
"What led to you deciding to live on your own?"
"Coming home to a crowded kitchen at my mom's house and having to answer questions from her and my two little sisters was overwhelming. And my parents being separated only added to my bad days when I would have to decide which house to go to. I needed a set home base. It was hectic to go between two houses, while balancing school, my social life, work and dealing with a split family as the oldest sibling. I didn't want to have my dad, my mom, or my little sisters present most of the time after work because I tend to have a nefarious social life. I do not want to surround my family with my weed smoking habits. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing I'm not sure.”
"How did this kind of habit affect you with your family?"
"I was constantly being reprimanded or being told I was a bad person for my habits. It was almost suffocating. I felt as though I was becoming an adult, and with that I am able to make my own decisions. I still work, take care of myself, and am productive. My habits don’t directly affect my family so I shouldn’t have had to deal with the comments and condescendingness from them."
"So you needed space to be an adult? Perhaps prove something to them?"
"Yeah, I was lacking individuality, I know who I am and I have been secure in the person that I am, and there's no hiding anything from my family. It's just hard to not feel passive aggressively judged by words and mannerisms that my mom uses. It wasn't easy to always come home to, especially if I had a hard day, coming home to a comment from my mother that sounded loving but when I thought about it was actually extremely condescending and was not easy to deal with. I had no escape, I did not need to deal with that every day, I'm in my early 20's the last thing I should be worrying about is my mother being condescending towards me. This became almost a daily occurrence about a year ago when I decided to move out.”
“Now, a year removed, how has your relationship with your family changed and what would you recommend to others going through similar situations at home?”
"I wouldn't change anything, because I don't think about the past, there's nothing I can do about it. It's been a good experience, it's been stressful but learning to manage that stress has been important to functioning as an adult. It has absolutely been a positive experience for me. I have been able to prove to myself and my family that I can be productive, pay my rent, and be caring towards my family. I would recommend anyone who feels they are being belittled by their family, or feels as though they can not be themselves fully to move out. Prove to yourself and to them that you love them, but that you are a strong individual and you have your shit together."
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